Mandy Schonzeit - missmink.com biography

This area is for drawings that other people have done of me. The bio beneath here was written by my good friend, Rama Hughes (he did some of the drawings too). If you're inclined to draw me, or to write about me (fiction or non) please do! I'll try to post them here.

mandy offered me thirty dollars to write her biography. i said i'd only do it on two conditions: she isn't allowed to edit it* and she'll let me tell it like it is. "what does that mean?" she asked. it means you have to let me tell the truth, i said. mandy doesn't have the fairy tale life you might expect. sure, we look at her artwork and imagine "wow, her life must be roses and leotards." it's not. her house is not made of candy. Monkeys don't roam the premises. her dog is a terrible kisser. sad but true. in a letter once, she told me that lizards were the first strike force of a communist invasion of florida. what a pile of baloney. "please make sense," i asked her. mandy is a wonderful person. she is sincere and caring and silly and foxy. she is, obviously, talented out the wazoo. BUT she has a very difficult time making sense. she is a good friend though. she knew how much it meant to me. so, she tried. she told me the almost coherent story of her life and made me promise never to tell anyone. "i'm terrible at keeping secrets," i said. well, then promise not to tell it all at once, she said. "then don't tell me all at once," i said. mandy told me the first part of her life on the wooden floor in a drawing class. she said she was fond of horses and music and had sex dreams about r. crumb. "more than i needed to know," i said. mandy told me the second part of her life while we made a drawing together in the living room. lots of boys she knows are jerks. even i, a friend, once broke into her bedroom, stole one of her masterpieces, replaced it with a forgery and didn't tell her until much later when i thought it would be funny. she likes boys anyway though and she likes girls too. plus, she likes comic books. I think that deserves exclamation marks!!!!! mandy showed me the third part of her life. she looks good in a crown and a gummy-spider bra. she knows how to tell a story. she can't throw a snowball to save her life. she's psychic and she knows how to make lasagna, pronounced luh-zah-guh-huh. she also knows how to make a mess. boy, does she ever. mandy told me the fourth part of her life when she escaped it. it is, perhaps, top secret. i won't be giving anything away though if i say that it took place in the southwest and involved a high speed chase. it proved that she has courage and the ability to land on her feet no matter how she's thrown. also, she adopted a coyote. mandy told me the fifth part of her life recently on the beach and at the diner and in her bedroom, WOO WOO! she has a tattoo. she has a hamster zoo. she eats indian food also, she teases her gorgeous curly hair because she thinks straight hair looks better. everyone disagrees. (convince her; write her.) so, that's the scoop on mandy so far. it makes 100% sense and is true. oh, and she was raised by wolves.

*I did tho.